I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
