Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize