You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
