Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
