Your tits are I can't wait for
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
