I wanna bring you to show and tell
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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