Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
