hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
