he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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