I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
