His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
