Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The power of my boobs compel you
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
