what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
