I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
