I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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