he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
