You don't have asthma, your pregnant
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
