i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
