First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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