8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
