According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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