so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
