every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
