at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
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I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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