I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love having hate sex.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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