Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
