Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
don't judge my taste in strippers
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you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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