She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
