I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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