I accidentally burped into my bong.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
