You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
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The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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