This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
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I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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