I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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