i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
