I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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