We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
