I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
