Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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