he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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