I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize