I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
