SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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