i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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