she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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