found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
