My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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