I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
