The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
