hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
