Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
