I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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