I accidentally had phone sex last night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
