My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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