The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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