I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
