I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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