May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
