I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
